I started having an eating disorder in high school. I cheered and thought that if I were lighter that I would be a better flyer. It didn't help that my mother encouraged me to throw up my food. By saying that if I ever felt that I was fat, that that was the best way to lose weight. She was bulimic in her 20's and only weighed 97 pounds when she got pregnant with me. I wouldn't be surprised if she still does throw up occasionally, since she sees nothing wrong with it. I would watch my weight and even had a piece of paper that I wrote down how much I weighed and how much weight I lost since the last time I weighed myself. I started out being anorexic. I then would eat and felt so bad and disgusted and guilty for eating that I would then throw it up. So I was both anorexic and bulimic. It started getting bad when I would go onto "pro ana" websites (pro anorexia). It would give me helpful ways to hide my disorder from my parents and friends. It told me what foods had the least amount of fat and calories. It also would give me hints on ways to make myself not feel hungry. Like to brush my teeth so the food would taste bad and I wouldn't want to eat it anymore. I did this for about 6 months. I lost a lot of weight and my friends started to notice. Some of the girls I cheered with noticed that I didn't eat and at cheerleading camp that summer a few of them sat down with me and talked to me about my eating problem. I of course told them not to worry and dismissed it. I would feel very weak and tired. I wasn't strong enough to do some of the stunts that I used to be able to do in cheerleading.
For a person to have an eating disorder, they have to have a dedicated type of personality. The disorder consumes your whole life. All I would think about was food because I was so hungry. Then, I would get excited about the thought of throwing up my food once I ate it. In some sad way, it was like a rush. When I ate, I got the feeling of doing something bad because I thought that eating was bad. Then, I would get a bigger rush when I would throw up because I knew that I wasn't supposed to do that either. My mind set was all screwed up. It didn't matter to me what I looked like, it was just the number on the scale that drove me insane. I was 100 pounds and I thought I was the fattest person in the world. I finally stopped one day because I would get light headed and my vision was starting to get blurry when I would try to concentrate in class. And I just realized that I was getting older, that my body was changing, and I was killing myself.
Even today I get the urge to not eat or to throw up my food after I eat. It's not something that just goes away. It is apart of you. It takes a lot of energy and thought when you have an eating disorder. Once you have put some control on it, it takes a lot for it to not take over your life once again.
-SK
As part of our research, my partner and I had a representative, Stephanie Jankowski, from UCF's REACH Peer Education answer a few questions regarding eating disorders. The REACH Peer Education stands for Responsible Education and Action for Campus Health. It is to help educate the students on college health issues like safer sex, STT's, alcohol, drugs, and body image plus a lot more. For more information you can call 407-823-545.